Reliquary of Lost Souls

The Odd Men Out

In a world wrought by widespread pestilence and mass hysteria, only 3% of earth's population have survived the initial apocalypse. The aftermath left all governing institutions abandoned and forever - shutdown. In an age where microwaves and smartphones no longer work, Wichita, Kansas is the site for a post-cataclysm renaissance that seeks to create a new cultural era. However many contesting factions conspire against one another, creating a tense and hostile environment. Only a small group of misfits can survive in a city that threatens them in increasingly bizarre and conformist ways. Their quest begins here to physically protect themselves both defensively and offensively for the sake of love and peace. For their purpose they have gathered from under the floorboards of an abandoned model home: a 64 count box of Crayola crayons that lacks all shades of blue, twenty cans of sardines that expires 2019, and a pair of unsuspecting red stiletto high heels. They feel most challenged, but not afraid as they are confident they can make the absolute best of any situation.

The group of misfits call themselves the Oddballs for their outlandish ingenuity and balls-to-the-wall execution. They have taken up refuge in a florist's villa estate surrounded by a thick barrier of extremely thorny white and red roses to reflect their aspirations for world peace. However, because it is in the middle of the entire contested territory, every clan is out for their blood. This is because the factions must remove all obstacles in their way of waging war on each other. Every item the band of misfits procured differs wildly from each other, and thus they brainstorm how to use them to champion the perils that lay before them.

A humble 64 count box of Crayola crayons should prove the most useful item even without its shades of blue. The crayons are long solid sticks of wax with a narrowed blunt tip but they are fragile and unable to absorb a lot of force, thus easily snapped in two. The crayon wax can be melted and carved for multiple purposes, already opening up a swath of new opportunities. The first use is that in an emergency they, akin to a stray paper airplane, could put someone's eye out. The crayons could be used to scribble premonitions of doom on signs to scare off anyone who may be passing by. The crayons can be lightly melted to write in hot wax, using the red shade for best effect, on various trees and any aforementioned signs. The crayon writings can be used to bluff about nearby minefields, killer squirrels, and any vague threats. Melting the red crayons could make use for designing fake blood stains across the forest to create an unsettling horror backdrop to scare off potential invaders. The crayons can be broken up into chunky granules of different shapes and sizes as a floor trap, to defend the premises or aide in a getaway. What helps is that because crayons are so fragile they will flatten and crush when stepped on, causing the floor beneath them to slip and roll, further disorienting the target. Grounded up crayon bits could always be thrown at an enemy, and at the chance they accidentally breathe some in they will be distracted for a while. The biggest use of the crayons is as a projectile, being shot from a crossbow which was conveniently found in the villa oven. However, since crayons are so fragile and light they have a chance of breaking upon impact and could not leave a scratch besides the chance of poking someones eye out. The crayons could be sharpened at the end to increase its damage. A scrap of sharp metal taken from their sardine cans could be implanted on the tip of a crayon to increase its effectiveness.

The supply of sardines will be able to serve a more defensive purpose than the crayon craziness, ending up a surprisingly useful item. The cans of sardines are about the size of an ingot but wider, and are filled with tightly packed sardines. The metal is a bit thin so it may break if punctured hard enough, and carried together can rattle and cause some noise when transporting. The stench of sardines can help ward people away from the home turf, and once they expire they can be laid out as poisonous traps for greedy invaders. A single can of sardines could be used as a small shield to block a knife attack, and once caught inside can be tossed away, disarming the attacker whose knife was thrown away with the sardine can. Sardines out of their can could be a slippery and slimy trap to trip over unsuspecting intruders. Sardine cans could also be carved into a toothy shape to make a sharp half-functional bear trap, small blades, and makeshift nails. The sardine cans could be nailed to a tree and make a quick signpost to write on using the crayons. The most useful aspect of having so many cans of sardines is that when haphazardly nailed together can create a vest of metal armor. This can be done by attaching the sardine cans with a flexible pin on the sides, where once inserted can be unfolded at the ends to loosely lock them in place. Using extremely sticky tape from the villa can create the straps to wear the sardine can vest in its entirety. Since to unfold the pins would require opening the cans first, it is done by removing the sardines, unfolding the pin, then refilling the cans with the sardines and taping them back up for extra protection. The sardine cans can be nailed together using the brute force of the red high heels. Naturally the sardine can armor vest would be placed upon the Oddballs’ leader.

The most useless item would have to be the red stiletto high heels, which were made for the purpose of fashion and not many other practical uses. The high heels are red, which makes them stand out more, infinitely so if in the wilderness since the bright contrasting red could be spotted from far away. If the high heels were worn, the Oddballs survival rate would drop tenfold since it would be undermining their purpose, considering the kind of footwear they are. The high heels would be especially detrimental on all uneven ground and the possibility of having to run away while in heels would most likely end in failure. The most basic use of the high heels would be using it as a bludgeoning hammer, or as an arcing projectile which is only something the most desperate of apocalypse survivors would use them for. However, not only are the group of misfits desperate, they are capable of being extremely clever in the most specific of situations. The standout colors of the high heels could be remedied by the crayons, coating them in black for a heightened ratio of camouflage. The blackened high heels may be used as prop to feign possession of firearms when held like one, and is more likely to succeed in scaring the enemy when cosmetically modified and in darker lighting. Unfortunately the red stiletto high heels turned out to be less useful than hoped, making it a risky item to trust anyone's life to when faced with potential dangers around every corner.

The most dangerous faction are the Glarivades, who are a group of highly aggressive old men whose skin is as thin and translucent as stretched out bubblegum. They seek to lay their slimy suction-cup adorned hands on the throats of their mutually exclusive neighbors to drain their remaining life. They charge at those they are hunting, with a zombie-like train of thought. They have legitimate plans to ambush the struggling misfits and absorb their youth through the process of osmosis at their most vulnerable. To make it through the day unscathed, the band of misfits will have to collectively focus all of their energy on reinforcing the defenses of the villa estate. Outside of the villa are the rose fields where the Glarivade will certainly rush through to attack, so the first line of defense would be sprinkling the traps made of the carved sardine cans across the rose barrier. The sharpness of the thorny roses and the sardine can traps would instantly wound them from how thin their epidermal membranes are. Glarivades that make it past the barrier with minimal damage would be picked off further by the crayon loaded crossbow, effectively eliminating the savage Glarivades. If any of them make it inside the villa the Oddballs will in turn ambush the Glarivades from inside, where they will struck by thick and durable high heels and various sharp scraps of the sardine cans. This is how fighting an unconventional enemy like the Glarivades should be fought.

The misfits will conquer their destiny by engineering the best protection they can against others in a world that deems them intolerable, and without a place in this era. Using their impeccable resourcefulness they will make it through any crisis that befalls them and continue to make a name for themselves. The crayons were the most useful item acting as a jack of all trades to be used in myriads of ways, especially as substitute arrows. The sardine cans were surprisingly useful to have, particularly for the sharp traps and makeshift vest of armor. The red stiletto high heels ended up being the least useful, but can be used as a simple weapon and built upon if disguised as a firearm. The items procured all had advantages and disadvantages but with each their own special use that always keeps the group bright and optimistic every day. To survive in the harsh empty remains of the old world means thinking outside of the box, and that is what the Oddballs are all about.